Back up and Running :)

I have taken a bit of a step back from running these days, somehow puling off the last two 5k's with very little training.  I've been pretty busy with school, work and practicum, and the stress has been building up.  I found myself feeling a little forced to go on runs, and really wanted to make sure I was still running for myself.  Tonight I was feeling overwhelmed with homework and honestly was missing my 5-pack (I'm had a stomach muscle removed... long story) I had been working on.  So decided it was a good night for a short run.

The weather was pretty perfect.  Cool and breezy (Chicago...) but not cold by any means.  Was recognized by a friend I had met down in the Lobby shortly after moving here, and it was nice to quickly catch up :)

I took an accidental detour today through Moody Bible Institute.  I was headed up the street parallel to mine, and decided to cut through Moody's campus.  I'm not sure how I ended up dead end-ing at a building, but I was forced to go through.   I'm not sure how I manage to plan my running perfectly to coincide with Moody's formal ceremonies (seriously... I went to their church once and was convinced it was a cult... so don't ask what the event tonight was about.  i haven't the slightest clue).  So... yeah... it was only SLIGHTLY awkward looking like a lost 12-year-old decked in running gear and blade, searching frantically for an exit... (talk about agoraphobia... haha).

I ran a little over a mile tonight.  Just enough to clear my head and I'm trying to get to a better place physically, mentally, emotionally, nutritionally etc... before going home for break.  Step by step...

Anyways... Worked up a sweat, got in a workout, and feeling good about getting back into my routine :)  I think the "Resolution Run" is still in our winter break plans... and looking at 2013 5K's in Chicago.

Ideas include:
-The Bunny Rock
-Breakthrough for Brain Tumors
-The Color Run

I'll have to check in with my blade runners and see which ones they plan on doing.   Hit me up with any others fun runs!

Ran with my new iPhone for the first time, and the new jacket Mom and I got together :) and still rocking my "FINISH STRONG" bracelet...

Turkey Trot 5K... Didn't think this one through :)

I signed up for this run before freezing at the Hot Chocolate 5K.  Maybe it's better I did, or I may not have done this one.  I originally intended to run this alone, but when Chris mentioned a trip for Thanksgiving weekend, I decided to rope him into doing his first 5K (and possibly his last... hehe. Chicago's Winter...)

I think psychologically I was avoiding this race.  I have run a total of 2 times since the last race.  Part of it was an issue with my prosthetic liner, but I know there is more to it.  I have been very busy with school, and stressing about making deadlines at my internship.  I may be taking a bit of a break from the 5Ks and running for me for a little while.  I need some time to run for me, when it feels good, instead of worrying about doing well at the next race.  I'm thinking of hitting the track as much as I can while the weather lasts.

To sum up this one...Race Day: 27 degrees, 13 MPH wind, and the lake effect (Don't ask... It's a Chicago thing).  I can honestly say that I have NEVER been so cold in my entire life.  (It didn't exactly help that I had Mr. McSarcasm/Wimpy-Wimperson muttering profanity in my ear).  We did sort of show up an hour early... part of my routine to arrive early, change legs, and listen to music to calm my nerves a little.

A few weeks ago I saw my friend at the track whom I had seen a few times before.  He smiled when he saw me and told me that he had something for me.  He pulled out a pink rubber bracelet that read "FINISH STRONG" and told me that he had made them for his girls basketball team.  He had wanted to give me one, so I would remember to finish my 5K's strong.  I was really touched by this, and the impact I had made on this man's life.  I wear the bracelet to remind me out two things: to finish my runs strong, and to remember that just putting myself out there may be enough to change someone's life.

I had mentioned the bracelet story to Chris and as we came around the corner headed towards the finish, he looked at me and said FINISH STRONG Meg :)  I kicked it into high gear and ran through the finish.   So... Shout out to Erick at the track.  Thanks for being with me at this one. :)

Chris and I spent the rest of the weekend together, and the break ended up being awesome, despite the fact that i was not at home with my family.  :)  I would like to make it publicly known that I, Meaghan, 5'1 3/4, beat Chris' 5'11" ass, 3 separate times at "Super Shot" basketball at Dave and Buster's (by more than just a few points I may add...)  He pretty much beat me in everything else...  but I felt pretty awesome.  Also... I welcome the opportunity to take on any challengers :) Bring. It. 

I rearranged my collection of race bibs on my fridge yesterday.  It was sort of powerful to look at them. Five 5Ks in three months.  I may not have ran the entire way, but I finished all of them.  I may not be the fastest kid out there... but I have been the only blade runner at several of the races I completed this year.  I run for me, and am proud of what I have accomplished this year.  

My sister wants to "run into the new year" in January, and we may be doing the "Resolution Run 5K" in Denver.  Not sure what running at altitude will feel like after training at Sea Level... but I think I want to start the new year running :)


Some Pictures from my Thanksgiving run and weekend with Chris :)

 For the camera... at the Turkey Trot :)            Headed out for Thanksgiving Dinner at Carmine's

Dunkin it :)

The Sweetest Race on Earth! Hot Chocolate 5K

What an amazing weekend! This semester has been insanely busy and exhausting and the timing of this run couldn't have been better for me.

So... Signing up for this run, I had no idea how big it was going to be.  I think we were all a bit in shock when we got to the expo and saw the line to get in.  Luckily I have a highly entertaining group with me.  We danced to stay warm, and my crazy mom kept the party going getting on stage with the DJ dancing and ripped off layers of clothing while a crowd gathered watching :) She was named the "Official Party Girl of the Hot Chocolate 5K."  We shopped the expo and then hit up Michigan Avenue.  

It never crossed my mind that 40,000 others would be joining me today... It sort of felt like a marathon taking over the streets of Chicago today :)  I guess it also never crossed my mind to check the race start times, because we all weren't exactly thrilled to get up at 5:30am.  We waited in the corral for a good hour (freezing) before starting and because we were with Anni Cusack, made a ton of new friends.  The race itself was awesome.  They shut down all the streets and we walked and ran through the city, and ended back at Grant Park.  We all rocked our homemade headbands and stuck together as a team.  We crossed the finish at a sprint :) and headed straight to the tent for our official FINISHER'S MUGS! 

Mom and I cleaned up, rested and went shopping up in Lincoln Park this afternoon, completely exhausting ourselves, however saving a little bit of energy for Houlihan's tonight to meet some of my friends.

It was so nice running with my amazing mom and our awesome friends! We waited for this for what seemed like forever and I'm so happy that it went so well. Overall... Amazing team, amazing race :) Next up (and I think last up for 2012 in Chi-Town. brrrr) is the Grant Park Turkey Trot 5K!

Picking up "my team" at the airport 

In line at the Expo.  Shots of Hot Chocolate :)               Mom dancing on stage with the DJ

  

Changing legs :)

Haha. Love Rick.

The finishers!

Monster Dash 5K!

First of all... I need to get a little better about checking details before runs :) I've been signing up for, and running them one right after another, and it's been hard to remember to keep it all straight (esp when they all take place in the same area... Grant Park, Soldier Field, Museum Campus...)  I definitely forgot to mention to Dervin that we started at 9:40am, not 9:00am... Oops.  

The best part about the run was FOR SURE the costumes :) I rocked Little Red Riding Hood, and Dervin was my awesome Zombie body guard making sure nobody got near me :)  I think my favorite costume idea at the race was a ground who dressed at the different "L" lines with the stop dots down their legs, and signs on their front and back with the Line end points.   

I'm not sure why the volunteers handing out candy made me so excited.  I think my "inner-child" just really misses trick-or-treating and halloween parties at school... haha.  It was rather difficult to grab candy from an outstretched hand in mid run.  At one point I totally took another runner's twizzlers thinking she was a volunteer.  (Um... I'm sorry.  I don't feel bad.  Why do you have like 10 in your hand? You look like a volunteer...)  I was more excited about receiving the candy than eating it.  Dervin ended up eating most of the candy :)

The race route was a bit... um... interesting.  Very narrow sidewalks, beat up path, puddles of water and mud... It was difficult maneuvering around people, but we managed.  My leg wasn't feeling it's best today... I've been having some issues with the socket, and I felt it today.  We walked a bit of the race, but many others were walking too, so I didn't feel too bad.  At one point Dervin threw me on his back and ran with me :) haha. We laughed a lot, danced a lot, and made the run very fun.

The end of the race was really cool.  Again... I gained my second wind right before the finish line, running hard and fast to the end.  Everyone was lined up along the sides, and they were all cheering us on.  We finished very strong, running uphill, and got our official Monster Dash Finisher's medals :)  Overall, an awesome race :) 

Next up... Hot Chocolate 5k with Mom and the boys from Ted's Montana Grill (Tom and Rick) :)  I can't wait to rock my ear-warmers and kick some serious ass!! 2 weeks! :)

Some of our photos...

Before the race :)

   

Yes. That is my leg. :) And rocking the jacket and finishers medal 

Awesome running buddy :)

   

     

Haha. We had to take this one :)

A week off running for some much needed processing...

This week was a bit rough.  I was not fitting into my leg socket very well, which began a day or two before the AIDS 5K.  I ran it anyway... even though parts of it were a true struggle.  This really affected my residual limb, and at the beginning of this week I could hardly walk because of chaffing and blisters that had formed.  I took a few days off of running, which, due to homework, practicum reports, and overall exhaustion from my day, became almost a week without running.

During this week I have been doing a lot of processing.  I discovered a new song, by my favorite artist, Joshua Radin, called "Tomorrow is Gonna Be Better."  This man completely chills me out, and his music has helped me through some really tough times.  I highly recommend YouTubing this one if you need an "end-of-week pick-me-up."  I have been thinking a lot about my own "conditions of worth," the expectations I have thought were necessary in order for me to feel loved or of worth to others.  And how the idea of being "strong" and a "hero" has always been something I have felt I must be for others.  I am working on feeling satisfied just being me, and being ok with myself when I become anxious, or emotional, as it doesn't negate the "strength" that I strive for.  I want others to just see me, without my story providing people a pre-conceived notion of the person I am today. 

 I have also been thinking about the meaning of the word "inspire" this week.  Many people throw this word around these days.  For me, it takes a lot for someone to really move me.  But recently, I've been touched in such an overwhelming way by my mom and her devotion to running.  For those who know my mother, Anni Cusack, they know she is one of the most selfless and compassionate people on this planet.  My mom is a tiny bit ADHD, and literally cannot sit still for more than a few minutes.  She has found exercise to be a major outlet, and frequently can be found hiking, biking, snowshoeing, and bouncing around in the front row of the fitness class at her gym.  Running was always one of those things my mom told people she just didn't do.  It wasn't until I began running that my mom even considered the idea.  Another thing people who know my mother can tell you is that she isn't capable of doing things half-way.  Our family is constantly being "sucked in" to a late night project, helping her cut construction paper and stamp envelopes with her famous "lips" or put together goody bags for out mission trip team.  It should be no surprise that when she began running that she would again be in 100 percent.  My mom is now running every day, with her iPod and stopwatch in preparation for our first run together, the  Hot Chocolate 5K this November.  

I don't think people are always aware when they inspire someone.  I believe in the power of one person, and the impact someone can have on another person's life.  I don't think my mom has any idea how much she is inspiring me by committing to this.  I am so proud of her progress thus far, and cannot wait for her to get to experience the rush of crossing the finish line with me in a few weeks.

Running resumes tomorrow in preparation for the Monster Dash 5K :)

The two of us "sipping and painting" :) Can't wait to see her in a few weeks!

AIDS Run/Walk Chicago 5K :)

I woke up not feeling my best, but got myself ready listening to Pandora and  keeping my nerves down. I got to Soldier Field and found a little spot to mentally prepare, switch legs out, and get in my zone.  I checked out some of the tents (I have a serious weakness for free stuff :P... haha).  However... it was SLIGHTLY awkward going up to tables, and thinking they were giving out candy or keychains and realizing... um... yup. Those are condoms.  haha. Right before the run started I got kind of nervous, and had to pee.  I stood in line for 15 minutes, and was starting to get anxious when I was asked to please step forward, so a car could get through.  The car parks, and Wanda Sykes steps out.  I was literally 3 feet away from her :) She's super tiny, and is clearly NOT a morning person... but kinda cool to be that close to a celeb :)

I have realized that I am very easily intimidated by other runners.  I love running on my own, and have been really enjoying pushing myself to do 5Ks.  But when I step onto a bus and I see all the other runners on their way to a race, and then line up with everyone at the start line, I start to feel very anxious inside.  I think the feeling has a lot to do with the fact that I am still very new at this, and feel like I can do better.  I'm not a competitive person really, except when it comes to comparing to my own expectations.  I'm working on being happy with where I am at, and making sure running is still an escape and a way that I feel free and fearless rather than it being painful or a chore.  

The run itself went really well. After a little iPod issue in the beginning, I had a great pace going.  I'm not going to lie... Running on the lake, listening to "Man in the Mirror" on a beautiful, perfect Chicago day... I'm pretty sure life doesn't get much better :) I ran this one by myself, and it was kind of nice running with just myself, and my music, however, I met a ton of really nice people :) It was a bit weird running in a 5K without other Blade Runners.  At the last run, people knew who we were and had seen a lot of us running the course.  I was the only blade runner today (that I'm aware of) and definitely attracted a LOT of attention.  I am a bit unsure of how this made me feel.  On one hand... it's awesome to hear people cheering, or telling you that you have inspired them.  It's certainly one of my goals with running.  On the other hand... I really don't enjoy being the center of everyones attention all the time.  It felt a little patronizing and I know that I'm just as good as these other runners.  I also know that I'm not 100% comfortable showing off my leg in shorts, and when I run... I don't have too much of a choice.  I think there is a huge psychological/emotional/self-esteem piece to this running thing and I'm thinking it's healthy for me to keep at it. 

I have found that mile markers and cameramen are extremely motivating for me :) Something about seeing that next mile up ahead keeps me going :) And lets face it... it's important to look amazing in the race photo... :) (At the last race my running buddy said that if they put a camera person every 100 feet, I'd be running the entire thing :P hehe).  The last stretch was kind of interesting.  They had signs along the route at this point with facts about how many people are living with AIDS and what the health care reform will do to help those affected with HIV and AIDS.  :) I passed the 3 mile mark, and saw the finish line up ahead.  I don't know what comes over me when I set eyes on the finish... I get goosebumps, and a wave of energy hits me and I take off.  However... the last .2 mile was on a SERIOUS uphill slope.  I crossed the finish with a huge cheer form the crowd, grabbed a gatorade and literally fell over in exhaustion on the grass.  I totally rocked a "roll the dice" game at a table and scored a free dvd :) (I guess dad's luck in casinos is in me too... double 6's baby) Once I got up, we had to walk an extra half mile or so around soldier field (Yes. There were some choice words at this point...) where we got to look at pieces of the AIDS memorial quilt (So it ended up being worth it... however would have been reaaaally nice if someone explained this to us before we chose the long way).  I headed back to the stage and got to see DJ FarenHITE, followed by Jamar Rogers (who was on "The Voice").  Yup. Definitely fell in love with that man.  

Next 5K is in 3 weeks! the Monster Dash is going to be a very fun race along the lake in costume! :) 

Hair: Braided. Bib: Pinned. Ready to Roll at 7am :)

Jamar Rogers of "The Voice"  Awesome guy who is openly a recovering drug addict and HIV positive

Ok... So I might have been walking for a little while at this point... and then saw the cameraman :)

Thought I should give a shout out to the newest Cusack running :) She's training, color coordinated, and ready to kick butt at the Hot Chocolate 5K.  Woop Woop! Also... could our dog BE any more adorable?

Running in the rain... Didn't exactly make me wanna sing...

As a kid my sister, bother and I used to watch "The Animaniacs" before school everyday.  In this show was a short cartoon called "Good Idea, Bad Idea."  It always showed a skeleton man doing silly things the right, and wrong way.   If running in the rain were on this show... it would definitely be a bad idea.

After a morning of getting my mind blown by Dr. Ralph Tobias (basically the most amazing practicum supervisor ever) I'm in a very psychoanalytic mode today, and felt I needed to pull this one apart.  Running in the rain has a lot of meaning for me.  My other leg, (the computerized one) cannot get wet.  I always have to be extra careful when I encounter water, or get stuck in sudden downpours.  The running leg, however, is a blade attached to a metal pipe and can withstand just about any condition.  So part of me feels set free by the idea of rain with no inhibitions or fears of damage.

I also have this fantasy... (Freud is listening now...) of being in a Nike or Gatorade commercial... You know... one of those "Never quit. Nike has the power to push you forward.." kind of things where the sweat is coming down and the rain is hitting the person hard but they don't even feel it because they are so tough.  Um... Yeah. My experience tonight.  Not so much.  I realized that a beanie and gloves were definitely necessary (though my nike long-sleeve shirt totally kept my torso warm).

I guess one of my first indications should have been that nobody else was running.  Yup just me.  The people staring at me tonight were definitely not looking at my leg, but instead were mainly thinking, "Um... WHY IS THAT CRAZY GIRL RUNNING IN THIS DOWNPOUR?!"  Yeah.  I should have definitely turned around the minute I stepped outside and realized how bad it was... but still struggling with my perfectionistic, self-critical nature of my "self".  One I start I have to finish.  Even if it's a short run.  Working on that...

You might be thinking... aww. I bet this story has a cute happy ending.  I bet she felt really tough and strong and ended up enjoying running in the rain and cold. My answer? No. I did not enjoy it.  Running in warm rain is fun.  Running in cold rain is not.  I did not feel like I was in a commercial.  I felt cold.  Very cold.  I did, however, run very fast and rarely walked which was kinda cool but definitely will not be doing this again anytime soon.

Anywho... pretty sure I contracted pneumonia.  Took a crazy hot shower and toasty in sweats tonight :) A little over a week til my second 5K! :)

AIDS Run... I can't do this without you :)

In two weeks I will be running the 2012 AIDS Run/Walk in Chicago :)  I'm very excited, maybe even more excited than I was for my first race :)  Honestly, I think I needed that first race to help me to get over my irrational fear that I would fail (as usual... throwing some psych in here :) Julie... You and I have a very good understanding of one another's irrational fears. haha).  My goal last weekend was to finish, finish running even if I was walking throughout the race.  This time... my goals are a little different.  I kind of want to kick ass now... :)  I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it means for me to run 5Ks.  I realized that even though I am doing this for my own accomplishment and health (both physical and psychological... haha), I am also an advocate and a spokesperson in a way, even without speaking.  When I run, people see me.  And although most of the time my goal is to blend into the crowd, my running blade isn't something I can hide.  So... even though I don't entirely embrace the "hero" card, I feel like I might be the one person people need that day.  Soooo I should probably strive to be... well... as badass as possible. :)

Another major reason for my excitment is the fact that this race is benefiting such an amazing cause.  I feel like between my awesome "Meg's Kick-Ass Running" playlist and the fact that I am doing this because I believe in the hope of a cure, I have become extra pumped for this :) 

Here's where you all come in.  Running in this race is awesome.  It requires work and sacrifice on my part, and a lot of getting out there even when I'm absolutely exhausted and ready to hit to pillow instead of the pavement.  But the real reason for the event is to raise money for AIDS, through the AIDS foundation of Chicago.  This organization provides support and hope to those affected (both pateitns and family and friends) by AIDS an HIV.   

Whether you support my new venture into running and your donation is a way of expressing this, or you believe in finding a cure, I am asking that you support me in this. 

What you need to do:

1. Go to http://afc.aidschicago.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=1518 (just copy the link)
2. Click on "Sponser a participant"
3. Type in Meaghan Cusack
4. Click my name, then on Sponser me
5. DONATE!! :)

Bucktown 5k!!! FIRST 5K!!! (Squeal!)

Getting to the race this morning was a bit interesting.  I don't know if I can blame Google Maps or my brian's not so great functioning at 6am... but does "Take the 70 Division Street bus to the Blue Line" not sound like one should get ON THE BLUE LINE?? No no. It means get off at the blue line and then take the 9 bus from there.  Um... Mmkay.  Took the scenic route which included getting on the blue, having an "Oh Shit" moment, getting off the blue, getting on the blue going the other direction BACK TO WHERE I WAS, and getting on the 9 bus. Oops.  No big though.  Totally made it with time to spare.  

I arrived and Melissa showed me my guide.  I was planning on telling Melissa I didn't want one.  I honestly love running alone, and letting my music and the sound of my breathing help me connect with God and motivate me to keep going.  Before I could even attempt to decline, Eric (one of my prosthetists) volunteered to run with me as well.  Along with the another girl (a friend of the first guide). Now I had three people: one on either side, and one behind me.  Not gonna lie, I felt a bit like Kate Middleton with my body guards running when I ran, and walking when I slowed down.  I must say... even though I still think I prefer to get in my zone while running, it was really nice to have my little pack with me.  :) I felt a bit of safety going into my first race, especially when a huge heat of people came running behind me.  (I must say... I'm not sure I'll ever get over that feeling of complete fear when the sound of hundreds of runners are coming up from behind)

My awesome team of body guards :)

This was definitely an awesome first race for me to pick.  The race took place on the streets of Bucktown.  They basically shut down the whole neighborhood and all the neighbors came outside and cheered us on as we ran through :) The first mile felt great.  I was energized and pumped :) There was only one idiot who made a rude comment towards me, and even though Eric offered to run after him and take him out, we decided to let karma take care of him.  We quickly forgot about him as everyone else running and watching was cheering us on :) Decided today that I am in no way a competitive, time focused type A runner.  I'm more of a run for me, run to escape, run to reduce stress kinda girl.  The second mile... a little more exhausting.  Right around the 2 1/2 mile mark there was an unexpected aid station where some neighborhood people had made mimosas for runners.  Um. Ok. I'm a small person with no tolerance for alcohol... but WOAH! they were crazy strong!! haha. Not gonna lie, it felt kinda nice to down a little shot at that point.  The last mile...ugh.  I was definitely hurting a bit.  My limb was feeling tight and I really wanted to stop for a few minutes but we kept going.  We alternated between running a bit and walking it out.  I paced myself and definitely was doing much longer running strides than I have been :)

When we hit the 3 mile marker we started back up running, and a few minutes later, I saw the finish line.  The instant my eyes locked on the finish something came over me.  The aching in my limb disappeared.  My pace picked up and I kept saying "Oh my god Oh my god!"  As I crossed the announcer yelled out "An here comes Blade Runner Meaghan Cusack!" I had absolutely no idea that was coming and I felt like a famous person :) 

I finished in under an hour, and even though I walked part of it, I ran a 5K.  I finished.  I crossed the finish at a run.  Those were my only goals this time :)  (Okay... I might have checked the website and I might have even beat a few people... but hey... nobody is keeping track...) I got a wonderful little massage this afternoon before diving into homework :)

Next race: Aids Run/Walk Chicago in 2 short weeks :) So excited to do this again.  Cannot wait for that rush!!  And totally going to kick my race time's ass :)

The Blade Runner's Pre-Race :) (again... look for super bright shoelaces...)

Bib Number

My awesome new fleece :)

Not gonna lie... this is the real reason I ran :) haha

One Week and Counting!!

I can't believe in 1 short week I will be running my first 5K!  When I first thought about running a few months back, I called my sister.  I told her the new prosthetist I had been going to wanted to give me a running leg to try out.  She was honestly the first one to remind me about the crazy dreams I'm always having about running.  She was also the first one to tell me that she believed I could do it (shortly followed by my mom).  I told her I really wanted to do a 5K someday, even if I could only do part of it.  She replied by simply saying, "No Meg.  You WILL do a 5K and you WILL finish it."  She was so excited for me to get in shape and accomplish this.  When I had this conversation, I imagined myself a year or two from that point signing up for one.  I had no idea that i would be training almost everyday getting ready for one after only a little over a month training :)

I know that I'm still not in the best of shape for this.  I still "run/walk" as I like to call it, where I alternate between running and walking it out.  I have yet to run a full 5K but this being my first one, my goal is to run as much as I can, and cross the finish line running.  Even if I am walking the last mile up until 50 feet before I cross I want to cross the finish like a champ :) haha. 

Things have been a little nutty training this week.  I thought things felt busy when i was juggling work and internship... but this week I threw in school as well.  My first day back looked a little like this:

 5:00am              Wake up!
6:00am               My ride arrives
7:30-11:30am     Internship
                          (Eat lunch in the car)
12:30-3:30         Class
3:30-7:30           Work
7:30 n                1.5 mile run :)
                          Shower, eat, make/pack lunch, iron clothes...
10pm                 Sleep

Somehow though, I felt so strong and energetic during my run... I had a lot of anxiety that day, an I think I was finally able to channel it all at the end of the day.  I'm hoping to keep the motivation up and get through this crazy long week of practicum, school, work, homework and training... and kick some serious ass on Sunday :) 

Taking Eminem's "Til I Collapse" a little too seriously...

So... The other night I was just beginning my run when my blade caught on the sidewalk.  Normally, when this happens I recover with a small hop on my good foot, and resume my pace.  This time I think I was running to fast, and I lost my balance and slammed to the ground on my good knee.  Note to Dave: Yes actually, it is possible to fall with a prosthetic that does not have a knee.  I fell right in front of a seminary, and in front of an older couple walking by.  Neither one even acknowledged me or asked if I was ok.  (Mind you I'm bleeding on the ground.  It totally made me think of "The Good Samaritan" parable.  Not saying these people are going to hell or anything... but I dunno... sounds like bad karma might be comin their way. Ha. Maybe they'll think twice the next time they step over a bleeding, one-legged girl. :P)  And to be clear: I love Grey' Anatomy.  I really do.  I can watch surgery on television and eat dinner at the same time.  But something about blood in person... ugh.  So NOT my thing.  Anyways...I got up, put Eminem's "Til I Collapse" on, and kept going.  Not gonna lie, it felt kinda hard-core to run down the streets on Chicago sweating, breathing hard and bleeding :) 

I have really tried to put the fall behind me.  But I noticed that I'm holding back quite a bit when i run now.  I'm afraid to look up, and instead am looking at the placement of my blade with every stride (which... for those who run know... kills motivation...).  It's so much easier when you are focusing on a point in front of you, and running with the intent on making it there.  I'm working on the intrapersonal /psychological aspect of running  (surprise surprise huh? more processing... go figure).  I started thinking about this a few weeks ago when Dave told me that I was being way too critical of myself.  I've always been very hard on myself, and need to learn to be present in the moment, be happy with where I am and celebrate the small achievements.    My goals with running have changed a bit. I'm focusing less on running as hard and fast as I can, and more on taking my time, walking when I need to, and putting in more distance.  

I FINALLY hot my 2 mile mark tonight, which was a huge accomplishment for me.  I walked a bit of it, but I was ok with that.  I'm getting there. Two weeks til the 5K... and feeling much better about it. :)

First fall battle wound. Ok. It looks tiny.  But please throw yourself at full speed on your knees on concrete and tell me how you feel.

Yup. Rocking Hello Kitty. 

First 2 miler! 

Screenshot...  Ok... So it took me a while. But I did it. (Insert "Meaghan Squeal")

Training and New Diet Plan :)

So... Summer break is nearly over.  I start my externship on Monday, and school in a week and a half.  I'm nervous to be in school, externing, working, and training, but I guess I'll find the time.  I think it helps that running isn't a chore for me, but instead an outlet for my stress and anxiety.  Running has been such an escape and a treat for me, even though some days I have no energy when I'm out there.  

I had a nice weekend and week of visits.  The boy came last weekend which was exactly what I needed before starting all of the craziness this fall.  We had a fun filled weekend of ferry boats, concerts, adventuring onto the ledge of the tallest building in America, and of course tons of Lou Malinatis pizza.  My dad stopped in on his way to Rochester, NY and we had an awesome day eating ice pops and walking the beach, and some downtown shopping.  It was a nice break from life, but I swung right back into gear after everyone left working during the day and running in the evening.  :)

I'm definitely getting nervous about the 5K coming up.  It's about 2-3 times the distance I've been running during training, and I'm still running a little/walking a little.  I'm hoping to get to the pool sometime this week, to do some swimming to help me with building stamina and controlling my breath.  I've been running both my neighborhood, and a free outdoor track I found near my school.  I enjoy changing it up a little everyday.  I think when race day comes I will have a lot of adrenaline and motivation, but I'm gonna push myself this week to run a little farther... I'm hoping for 1.5 and 2 mile runs.  

I also have tried to make some changes to my diet.  I may not be at risk for obesity at this point or anything, but my daily diet is sometimes pretty awful.  I was watching "my half ton son" and "I eat 33,000 calories a day" the other night (Yes. I am aware I have issues...)  and although at first it prompted me to go out and order stuffed jalapeno and bacon cheesy bread, I really started to think about my diet.  I decided it was time for some adjustment.  I went food shopping today, and for the first time most of my food went in the fridge instead of the pantry and freezer.  I bought tons of good fruits and veggies and even decided I would try ground turkey instead of beef for tacos (ugh... will let you all know how that goes... not sure how it's gonna turn out).  I'm trying to go into the school year, and the Bucktown 5K in a much better place physically, mentally and emotionally :)

  

My longest run and a new outfit... so HAD to document :)

Yup.  Leg in a locker at the track. 

Chris needed a wallet holder which ordering our concert tickets online.  That would be the fake foot, with the wallet in the flip flop toe slot.  

Ottobock Live and Becoming a Speed Demon :)

I was told about an Ottobock presentation going on downtown, and decided to check it out.  Ottobock makes the C-leg I wear for walking, a microprocessor knee which uses a computer chip programmed for the exact stride I would like.  I definitely had no idea that i would be one of a few amputees in attendance.  The event was filled with mostly prosthetists and prosthetic students who wanted to learn about the latest technology.  Luckily I found a few people I had met at the Running Clinic.  It's kind of cool showing up at events and knowing a few people.  having only lived here a year, it's not often that this happens to me, and it is really awesome to see how one opportunity opens so many other doors. :)

My dad and I have been battling my insurance company a while regarding coverage for prosthetics, and currently I have pretty limited coverage.  After the presentation I spoke with several of the reps regarding insurance coverage and the best ways to work my way through the system.  I was nervous to talk to any of the reps about my new quest to run, since I use their competitors running blade :) Sorry Ottobock, but Ossur has the best blades on the market. By the end of the night, I had a handful of business cards, a sparkly Ottobock pen (score. :P), an opportunity to be a part of a study regarding new microprocessor knees, and even an offer for a coffee date with a prosthetic student, which I politely declined :)  It was a little overwhelming, but definitely great networking practice for me.

I also had an appointment with Dave, the prosthetist who started the Blade Runner Club.  Getting to his office was a little tricky, but I managed.  When I arrived he paged the receptionist to "Send her back to join the party!"  I went back and watched another patient, around my age taking his first steps on a C-leg.  I spoke with him and his dad for a while, explaining the difference between a few of the knees and about some of the opportunities around Chicago.  Dave told me to come back to the workshop area to meet everyone which was pretty cool.

Dave and Melissa watched me run, and made some adjustments.  he shortened the leg a little, so that the blade would catch less while swinging it around (basically... I had been "stubbed my toe" as I swung around every so often, causing me to stumble a little.  He shortened it so that I had more clearance between the blade and the ground when swinging it around).  He also decided yet again I needed it to be "more aggressive" and faster.  He watched me run again and then asked me to try something different.  He told me to look straight ahead, focus on the exit sign, and run full speed as fast as I could towards it.  I wasn't really expecting a huge difference.  I was sure I had been going at about the top speed I was capable of.  I tried it anyways.  Holy cow. I was running so hard and fast that I felt the rush of air past my ears (and we were inside).  He seemed pretty content with his adjustments, and told me to go home and run on it for a few weeks.  I found an empty parking lot on my run later that night with a beautiful smooth surface and decided to give it a try.  Sprinting is by far the most fun I've had running, but it definitely drains my energy pretty quickly... Something to work on :) I found a great little track downtown, as well as an awesome indoor pool to swim laps to help with building muscle tone and breathing stamina.  :) I have about a month before my first 5K.  The training has officially begun...

Ossur Running Clinic 2012

Went to the Ossur Running and Mobility Clinic today :) Taking the bus to this clinic was a little interesting.  It was basically directly west of where I live, in West Humboldt Park.  For mom's sake, who is no doubt going to be the first to read this... it was an "interesting" ride, to a "unique" part of town.  :) Let's just say my bag was on my lap, strap wrapped around my forearm the whole way.  No worries... the park we were in was super safe... just in a sketch neighborhood.  

When I got there I was relieved to see a few Blade Runners that I had met at the last event.  I quickly popped the running foot on, and felt my energy shift from girly-girl to hardcore. :) I saw Dave, the prosthetist whom I have an appointment with next week.  He saw me and said, "Hey! Run for me a minute."  I go, "Um... ookay?"  So I nervously started jogging for him on the track.  He ran with me and said, "Good, stop for a sec" and before I even knew what was happening, there was a wrench in my leg and I was holding the top of his head for support.  (These Chicago prosthetists crack me up.  So far, my impression of them is that they all squat down and make adjustments to your leg, all while introducing themselves and asking your name, decide that you are capable for the next 5K, and sign you up whether you wanted to do it or not.)  Anyways... He looked up at me and said, "I'm gonna make you faster, kay?"  I'm not sure Dave was expecting my response when I tried running again after his adjustment and said, "Woah. Um...What did you do?" He laughed and we compromised, making smaller changes to the foot so I could gradually get used to a more "aggressive" use of the blade.  Dave seemed perfectly ok with making adjustments without my consent throughout the day, mostly while I was conversing in between drills.  We'll have to see about fixing that. He may be stronger, but I can kick.  :) 

They asked us to split up into two groups.  The first group was for people who have never really run.  These people were learning how to run step over step instead of a hop skip type of run.  The second group was dubbed the "Advanced Group"and was for "those who have run before" (aka all the ex-miliraty men, some triathlete girls, and um... me).  It was weird to think of myself as an "advanced runner" today.  I mean... I just started?

 It's funny... Being petite, people assume that I've always been an athletic person.  I also have a fairly good stride for a new amputee runner, mostly because I have always had an amazing socket, and have always made an effort to walk as naturally as possible.  However, I was definitely was in the less experienced spectrum of the "advanced" group.  We did a few drills on the asto-turf.  I was really really nervous to have so many people watching me run.  I have always been weird about having others watch me walk because I want to do it perfectly, and running is no different.  But the CAF and Ossur guys were awesome.  They really helped me to improve my form (I need to relax my shoulders and arms... too tense... go figure :P).  I really really love running on a track.  It feels so nice on my knee and ankle.  Plus, it's the perfect place for a slightly OCD runner to be, with a clearly measured distance, and lanes to stay in.  It was funny.  The first thing the trainer told me, was to slow down.  That's new. :) I realized a major reason why I get burned out and have to walk it out so much, is because I need to slow down my pace a little.  It's hard being new at this, because I want to FLY.  But, I was running a lot longer and had better form when I slowed it down a little.  

We ended with a relay obstacle course: weaving in and out of cones, running through a narrow rope strip, hopscotching through hula-hoops that we had to do like military style tires, leaping over some ropes, running backwards, and back through again.  I had my "Blade Runner" shirt on and they were calling me Oscar Pistorius as I ran through. :) I think I mentioned before that I have never really had a ton of amputee friends.  For me just being somewhere with a ton of amputees and prosthetists is kinda crazy amazing still.  It's weird being around so many people who get it, and who aren't staring, except because they are trying to watch your gait and make adjustents. :) All in all it was a great event, I met some really cool people, and learned a lot.  And I totally scored a T-shirt and new Ossur Leg Bag... Totally worth it.  Now it's time to focus on 5K training... 

Heading out to the clinic

Feeling strong before leaving :)

The "Advanced" Runners :) 

(To find me: look for the hot pink shoelaces...)

Sometimes it's ok to run away from it all...

"This is where I take out my frustrations, my fears, my sadness, my insecurity. This is where I find my faith, my hope, my dreams, my happiness. This is where I belong."

I just found out today that a friend of mine got some pretty awful news from her scans for cancer today.  She has been struggling nearly her entire life fighting this disease, and now has been given six months.  I read all this and immediately slammed my computer shut and broke down.  I think it was a combination.  Thinking about her. Her family.  Her friends.  And then thinking about my sister, Chelsea, and what it would mean if anything ever came back on her scans.  I am a woman of faith.  I believe in God.  I believe in good, and in being in the present, instead of dwelling on what could be.  I'm an optimist and I believe that there is good in every person.  But sometimes... I'm allowed to feel sad.  And pissed off.  And scared.  

After talking to my mom and my nurse, I literally ripped my clothes off, threw my running gear on, popped the running foot on my socket and bolted out the door.  I've never run so hard in my life.  I wasn't thinking about far my running strides were.  I ran without stopping for the longest I have done so far.  I listened to the song "Never Alone" on my ipod at least three times throughout my run.  I felt such a connection during this run.  To life, to death, to god, to myself.  It was amazing and powerful and exactly what i needed to do to clear my head.  

(Note to idiot boys who almost hit me while running the light, waving at me to be assholes, all WHILE I HAD THE CROSSWALK AND RIGHT OF WAY: Yes. I did yell profanities at you while flipping you off.  No I don't feel bad about it.  Honestly...You are lucky you were in a moving vehicle because for a small person, I had a serious amount of pent up rage inside of me, and I think bad things would have probably happened to you.  Also... I believe in Karma. And I'm thinking nearly hitting a one legged girl with a car is not great for you.  So on that note...Have a wonderful day!)

I'm the kind of person who likes to have an answer for people.  I like to find a way to fix things, even if in a small way.  I decided when there is nothing I can do to change something, I need to focus on something I can do.  And running is something I can do.  I may have lost the leg God gave me, but the one Chris made me just hurts more when I kick people with it.  I run with two beautiful legs.  Running seems to be a pretty amazing stress reliever for me.  It allows a person to accomplish something when they feel like they can't accomplish anything.  Jennie, that .93 mile of anger, sweat, sadness, and extreme pain from a stump that wasn't feeling good to begin with, was for you.  Because sitting around and crying wasn't doing it for me today.  You were 100% my motivation today.  

"Every day you either see a scar, or courage. Where you dwell will define your struggle" -Dodinsky

Gear Check!: Volunteering, meeting "Blade Runners" and new kicks...

I was invited to come to the Terrapin 5k last night, to meet the "Blade Runners".  The "Blade Runners" are a group of amputee and other differently abled individuals who participate in different 5k events in the Chicago area. I decided to volunteer for the event, since I love helping out and organizing.  I showed up, got suited up in my official volunteer shirt and badge, and was placed at "gear check".  It seemed simple at first: rip the top part off the bid number, attach it to the bag with a zip tie, and throw it in the box that matches.  Simple. Ha. Simple until you have 8,000 people all throwing a bag at you, then asking for their bag because they forgot something, all while asking you for directions to the start line, in 100 degree heat.  I'm not sure why people bring 40 pound backpacks to a run... I'm strong for my size, but I'm not a body builder.  I stuck it out for about 2 hours before I snuck away. :) And somehow managed to sneak another volunteer shirt (they were nice running sweat wicking shirts).  I found the "Blade Runner" tent, right as the run started, and met a few of the volunteers who work with them.  The tent was littered with bags shoes, and legs.  Tons of legs.  No longer than 30 minutes later, I watched the team come in, and knew that I was so in.  Everyone was so open and welcoming to me, answering questions and giving me advice.  I must say, I think in order to be a prosthetist for Scheck and Siress you need to be drop dead gorgeous.  :) Totally thought I was at Seattle Grace Hospital allowing Mcdreamy and Steamy check out my leg.  Definitely made some connections, and leaving the race I knew that I would be running with them very very soon. Even thinking about doing the September 16th 5k up in Bucktown :) 

Today I had the day off, and decided I was sick of checking out Nike running shoes online.  I went downtown only to find out that Niketown is remodeling and is closed until the Fall.  A little bummed out, but ended up hitting up Water Tower Place instead, which, for a girly girl who loves to shop, is not exactly an awful place to be.  I got some awesome kicks which will definitely help provide a more supportive run.  Best part is that they are grey and PINK! :) I also found a great running gear duffel in bright pink.  

My knee is finally starting to feel normal again, and I was able to do my little "hop-skip" down the subway stairs without feeling a stringing pain shooting through it.  I'm still taking it easy, but am thinking about going out Saturday or Sunday for a short jog to see how I feel.  Next time I write... I'm sooo gonna be up and running :)

ok... had to pose in each shirt hehe

offiicial "blade runner" team shirt

Terrapin 5k shirt

Second Volunteer shirt... that I didn't steal... just borrowed for... um.. ever :)

new kicks :)

yay pink! :)