A week off running for some much needed processing...

This week was a bit rough.  I was not fitting into my leg socket very well, which began a day or two before the AIDS 5K.  I ran it anyway... even though parts of it were a true struggle.  This really affected my residual limb, and at the beginning of this week I could hardly walk because of chaffing and blisters that had formed.  I took a few days off of running, which, due to homework, practicum reports, and overall exhaustion from my day, became almost a week without running.

During this week I have been doing a lot of processing.  I discovered a new song, by my favorite artist, Joshua Radin, called "Tomorrow is Gonna Be Better."  This man completely chills me out, and his music has helped me through some really tough times.  I highly recommend YouTubing this one if you need an "end-of-week pick-me-up."  I have been thinking a lot about my own "conditions of worth," the expectations I have thought were necessary in order for me to feel loved or of worth to others.  And how the idea of being "strong" and a "hero" has always been something I have felt I must be for others.  I am working on feeling satisfied just being me, and being ok with myself when I become anxious, or emotional, as it doesn't negate the "strength" that I strive for.  I want others to just see me, without my story providing people a pre-conceived notion of the person I am today. 

 I have also been thinking about the meaning of the word "inspire" this week.  Many people throw this word around these days.  For me, it takes a lot for someone to really move me.  But recently, I've been touched in such an overwhelming way by my mom and her devotion to running.  For those who know my mother, Anni Cusack, they know she is one of the most selfless and compassionate people on this planet.  My mom is a tiny bit ADHD, and literally cannot sit still for more than a few minutes.  She has found exercise to be a major outlet, and frequently can be found hiking, biking, snowshoeing, and bouncing around in the front row of the fitness class at her gym.  Running was always one of those things my mom told people she just didn't do.  It wasn't until I began running that my mom even considered the idea.  Another thing people who know my mother can tell you is that she isn't capable of doing things half-way.  Our family is constantly being "sucked in" to a late night project, helping her cut construction paper and stamp envelopes with her famous "lips" or put together goody bags for out mission trip team.  It should be no surprise that when she began running that she would again be in 100 percent.  My mom is now running every day, with her iPod and stopwatch in preparation for our first run together, the  Hot Chocolate 5K this November.  

I don't think people are always aware when they inspire someone.  I believe in the power of one person, and the impact someone can have on another person's life.  I don't think my mom has any idea how much she is inspiring me by committing to this.  I am so proud of her progress thus far, and cannot wait for her to get to experience the rush of crossing the finish line with me in a few weeks.

Running resumes tomorrow in preparation for the Monster Dash 5K :)

The two of us "sipping and painting" :) Can't wait to see her in a few weeks!