Sometimes it's ok to run away from it all...

"This is where I take out my frustrations, my fears, my sadness, my insecurity. This is where I find my faith, my hope, my dreams, my happiness. This is where I belong."

I just found out today that a friend of mine got some pretty awful news from her scans for cancer today.  She has been struggling nearly her entire life fighting this disease, and now has been given six months.  I read all this and immediately slammed my computer shut and broke down.  I think it was a combination.  Thinking about her. Her family.  Her friends.  And then thinking about my sister, Chelsea, and what it would mean if anything ever came back on her scans.  I am a woman of faith.  I believe in God.  I believe in good, and in being in the present, instead of dwelling on what could be.  I'm an optimist and I believe that there is good in every person.  But sometimes... I'm allowed to feel sad.  And pissed off.  And scared.  

After talking to my mom and my nurse, I literally ripped my clothes off, threw my running gear on, popped the running foot on my socket and bolted out the door.  I've never run so hard in my life.  I wasn't thinking about far my running strides were.  I ran without stopping for the longest I have done so far.  I listened to the song "Never Alone" on my ipod at least three times throughout my run.  I felt such a connection during this run.  To life, to death, to god, to myself.  It was amazing and powerful and exactly what i needed to do to clear my head.  

(Note to idiot boys who almost hit me while running the light, waving at me to be assholes, all WHILE I HAD THE CROSSWALK AND RIGHT OF WAY: Yes. I did yell profanities at you while flipping you off.  No I don't feel bad about it.  Honestly...You are lucky you were in a moving vehicle because for a small person, I had a serious amount of pent up rage inside of me, and I think bad things would have probably happened to you.  Also... I believe in Karma. And I'm thinking nearly hitting a one legged girl with a car is not great for you.  So on that note...Have a wonderful day!)

I'm the kind of person who likes to have an answer for people.  I like to find a way to fix things, even if in a small way.  I decided when there is nothing I can do to change something, I need to focus on something I can do.  And running is something I can do.  I may have lost the leg God gave me, but the one Chris made me just hurts more when I kick people with it.  I run with two beautiful legs.  Running seems to be a pretty amazing stress reliever for me.  It allows a person to accomplish something when they feel like they can't accomplish anything.  Jennie, that .93 mile of anger, sweat, sadness, and extreme pain from a stump that wasn't feeling good to begin with, was for you.  Because sitting around and crying wasn't doing it for me today.  You were 100% my motivation today.  

"Every day you either see a scar, or courage. Where you dwell will define your struggle" -Dodinsky