AIDS Run/Walk Chicago 5K :)

I woke up not feeling my best, but got myself ready listening to Pandora and  keeping my nerves down. I got to Soldier Field and found a little spot to mentally prepare, switch legs out, and get in my zone.  I checked out some of the tents (I have a serious weakness for free stuff :P... haha).  However... it was SLIGHTLY awkward going up to tables, and thinking they were giving out candy or keychains and realizing... um... yup. Those are condoms.  haha. Right before the run started I got kind of nervous, and had to pee.  I stood in line for 15 minutes, and was starting to get anxious when I was asked to please step forward, so a car could get through.  The car parks, and Wanda Sykes steps out.  I was literally 3 feet away from her :) She's super tiny, and is clearly NOT a morning person... but kinda cool to be that close to a celeb :)

I have realized that I am very easily intimidated by other runners.  I love running on my own, and have been really enjoying pushing myself to do 5Ks.  But when I step onto a bus and I see all the other runners on their way to a race, and then line up with everyone at the start line, I start to feel very anxious inside.  I think the feeling has a lot to do with the fact that I am still very new at this, and feel like I can do better.  I'm not a competitive person really, except when it comes to comparing to my own expectations.  I'm working on being happy with where I am at, and making sure running is still an escape and a way that I feel free and fearless rather than it being painful or a chore.  

The run itself went really well. After a little iPod issue in the beginning, I had a great pace going.  I'm not going to lie... Running on the lake, listening to "Man in the Mirror" on a beautiful, perfect Chicago day... I'm pretty sure life doesn't get much better :) I ran this one by myself, and it was kind of nice running with just myself, and my music, however, I met a ton of really nice people :) It was a bit weird running in a 5K without other Blade Runners.  At the last run, people knew who we were and had seen a lot of us running the course.  I was the only blade runner today (that I'm aware of) and definitely attracted a LOT of attention.  I am a bit unsure of how this made me feel.  On one hand... it's awesome to hear people cheering, or telling you that you have inspired them.  It's certainly one of my goals with running.  On the other hand... I really don't enjoy being the center of everyones attention all the time.  It felt a little patronizing and I know that I'm just as good as these other runners.  I also know that I'm not 100% comfortable showing off my leg in shorts, and when I run... I don't have too much of a choice.  I think there is a huge psychological/emotional/self-esteem piece to this running thing and I'm thinking it's healthy for me to keep at it. 

I have found that mile markers and cameramen are extremely motivating for me :) Something about seeing that next mile up ahead keeps me going :) And lets face it... it's important to look amazing in the race photo... :) (At the last race my running buddy said that if they put a camera person every 100 feet, I'd be running the entire thing :P hehe).  The last stretch was kind of interesting.  They had signs along the route at this point with facts about how many people are living with AIDS and what the health care reform will do to help those affected with HIV and AIDS.  :) I passed the 3 mile mark, and saw the finish line up ahead.  I don't know what comes over me when I set eyes on the finish... I get goosebumps, and a wave of energy hits me and I take off.  However... the last .2 mile was on a SERIOUS uphill slope.  I crossed the finish with a huge cheer form the crowd, grabbed a gatorade and literally fell over in exhaustion on the grass.  I totally rocked a "roll the dice" game at a table and scored a free dvd :) (I guess dad's luck in casinos is in me too... double 6's baby) Once I got up, we had to walk an extra half mile or so around soldier field (Yes. There were some choice words at this point...) where we got to look at pieces of the AIDS memorial quilt (So it ended up being worth it... however would have been reaaaally nice if someone explained this to us before we chose the long way).  I headed back to the stage and got to see DJ FarenHITE, followed by Jamar Rogers (who was on "The Voice").  Yup. Definitely fell in love with that man.  

Next 5K is in 3 weeks! the Monster Dash is going to be a very fun race along the lake in costume! :) 

Hair: Braided. Bib: Pinned. Ready to Roll at 7am :)

Jamar Rogers of "The Voice"  Awesome guy who is openly a recovering drug addict and HIV positive

Ok... So I might have been walking for a little while at this point... and then saw the cameraman :)

Thought I should give a shout out to the newest Cusack running :) She's training, color coordinated, and ready to kick butt at the Hot Chocolate 5K.  Woop Woop! Also... could our dog BE any more adorable?

Running in the rain... Didn't exactly make me wanna sing...

As a kid my sister, bother and I used to watch "The Animaniacs" before school everyday.  In this show was a short cartoon called "Good Idea, Bad Idea."  It always showed a skeleton man doing silly things the right, and wrong way.   If running in the rain were on this show... it would definitely be a bad idea.

After a morning of getting my mind blown by Dr. Ralph Tobias (basically the most amazing practicum supervisor ever) I'm in a very psychoanalytic mode today, and felt I needed to pull this one apart.  Running in the rain has a lot of meaning for me.  My other leg, (the computerized one) cannot get wet.  I always have to be extra careful when I encounter water, or get stuck in sudden downpours.  The running leg, however, is a blade attached to a metal pipe and can withstand just about any condition.  So part of me feels set free by the idea of rain with no inhibitions or fears of damage.

I also have this fantasy... (Freud is listening now...) of being in a Nike or Gatorade commercial... You know... one of those "Never quit. Nike has the power to push you forward.." kind of things where the sweat is coming down and the rain is hitting the person hard but they don't even feel it because they are so tough.  Um... Yeah. My experience tonight.  Not so much.  I realized that a beanie and gloves were definitely necessary (though my nike long-sleeve shirt totally kept my torso warm).

I guess one of my first indications should have been that nobody else was running.  Yup just me.  The people staring at me tonight were definitely not looking at my leg, but instead were mainly thinking, "Um... WHY IS THAT CRAZY GIRL RUNNING IN THIS DOWNPOUR?!"  Yeah.  I should have definitely turned around the minute I stepped outside and realized how bad it was... but still struggling with my perfectionistic, self-critical nature of my "self".  One I start I have to finish.  Even if it's a short run.  Working on that...

You might be thinking... aww. I bet this story has a cute happy ending.  I bet she felt really tough and strong and ended up enjoying running in the rain and cold. My answer? No. I did not enjoy it.  Running in warm rain is fun.  Running in cold rain is not.  I did not feel like I was in a commercial.  I felt cold.  Very cold.  I did, however, run very fast and rarely walked which was kinda cool but definitely will not be doing this again anytime soon.

Anywho... pretty sure I contracted pneumonia.  Took a crazy hot shower and toasty in sweats tonight :) A little over a week til my second 5K! :)

AIDS Run... I can't do this without you :)

In two weeks I will be running the 2012 AIDS Run/Walk in Chicago :)  I'm very excited, maybe even more excited than I was for my first race :)  Honestly, I think I needed that first race to help me to get over my irrational fear that I would fail (as usual... throwing some psych in here :) Julie... You and I have a very good understanding of one another's irrational fears. haha).  My goal last weekend was to finish, finish running even if I was walking throughout the race.  This time... my goals are a little different.  I kind of want to kick ass now... :)  I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it means for me to run 5Ks.  I realized that even though I am doing this for my own accomplishment and health (both physical and psychological... haha), I am also an advocate and a spokesperson in a way, even without speaking.  When I run, people see me.  And although most of the time my goal is to blend into the crowd, my running blade isn't something I can hide.  So... even though I don't entirely embrace the "hero" card, I feel like I might be the one person people need that day.  Soooo I should probably strive to be... well... as badass as possible. :)

Another major reason for my excitment is the fact that this race is benefiting such an amazing cause.  I feel like between my awesome "Meg's Kick-Ass Running" playlist and the fact that I am doing this because I believe in the hope of a cure, I have become extra pumped for this :) 

Here's where you all come in.  Running in this race is awesome.  It requires work and sacrifice on my part, and a lot of getting out there even when I'm absolutely exhausted and ready to hit to pillow instead of the pavement.  But the real reason for the event is to raise money for AIDS, through the AIDS foundation of Chicago.  This organization provides support and hope to those affected (both pateitns and family and friends) by AIDS an HIV.   

Whether you support my new venture into running and your donation is a way of expressing this, or you believe in finding a cure, I am asking that you support me in this. 

What you need to do:

1. Go to http://afc.aidschicago.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=1518 (just copy the link)
2. Click on "Sponser a participant"
3. Type in Meaghan Cusack
4. Click my name, then on Sponser me
5. DONATE!! :)

Bucktown 5k!!! FIRST 5K!!! (Squeal!)

Getting to the race this morning was a bit interesting.  I don't know if I can blame Google Maps or my brian's not so great functioning at 6am... but does "Take the 70 Division Street bus to the Blue Line" not sound like one should get ON THE BLUE LINE?? No no. It means get off at the blue line and then take the 9 bus from there.  Um... Mmkay.  Took the scenic route which included getting on the blue, having an "Oh Shit" moment, getting off the blue, getting on the blue going the other direction BACK TO WHERE I WAS, and getting on the 9 bus. Oops.  No big though.  Totally made it with time to spare.  

I arrived and Melissa showed me my guide.  I was planning on telling Melissa I didn't want one.  I honestly love running alone, and letting my music and the sound of my breathing help me connect with God and motivate me to keep going.  Before I could even attempt to decline, Eric (one of my prosthetists) volunteered to run with me as well.  Along with the another girl (a friend of the first guide). Now I had three people: one on either side, and one behind me.  Not gonna lie, I felt a bit like Kate Middleton with my body guards running when I ran, and walking when I slowed down.  I must say... even though I still think I prefer to get in my zone while running, it was really nice to have my little pack with me.  :) I felt a bit of safety going into my first race, especially when a huge heat of people came running behind me.  (I must say... I'm not sure I'll ever get over that feeling of complete fear when the sound of hundreds of runners are coming up from behind)

My awesome team of body guards :)

This was definitely an awesome first race for me to pick.  The race took place on the streets of Bucktown.  They basically shut down the whole neighborhood and all the neighbors came outside and cheered us on as we ran through :) The first mile felt great.  I was energized and pumped :) There was only one idiot who made a rude comment towards me, and even though Eric offered to run after him and take him out, we decided to let karma take care of him.  We quickly forgot about him as everyone else running and watching was cheering us on :) Decided today that I am in no way a competitive, time focused type A runner.  I'm more of a run for me, run to escape, run to reduce stress kinda girl.  The second mile... a little more exhausting.  Right around the 2 1/2 mile mark there was an unexpected aid station where some neighborhood people had made mimosas for runners.  Um. Ok. I'm a small person with no tolerance for alcohol... but WOAH! they were crazy strong!! haha. Not gonna lie, it felt kinda nice to down a little shot at that point.  The last mile...ugh.  I was definitely hurting a bit.  My limb was feeling tight and I really wanted to stop for a few minutes but we kept going.  We alternated between running a bit and walking it out.  I paced myself and definitely was doing much longer running strides than I have been :)

When we hit the 3 mile marker we started back up running, and a few minutes later, I saw the finish line.  The instant my eyes locked on the finish something came over me.  The aching in my limb disappeared.  My pace picked up and I kept saying "Oh my god Oh my god!"  As I crossed the announcer yelled out "An here comes Blade Runner Meaghan Cusack!" I had absolutely no idea that was coming and I felt like a famous person :) 

I finished in under an hour, and even though I walked part of it, I ran a 5K.  I finished.  I crossed the finish at a run.  Those were my only goals this time :)  (Okay... I might have checked the website and I might have even beat a few people... but hey... nobody is keeping track...) I got a wonderful little massage this afternoon before diving into homework :)

Next race: Aids Run/Walk Chicago in 2 short weeks :) So excited to do this again.  Cannot wait for that rush!!  And totally going to kick my race time's ass :)

The Blade Runner's Pre-Race :) (again... look for super bright shoelaces...)

Bib Number

My awesome new fleece :)

Not gonna lie... this is the real reason I ran :) haha

One Week and Counting!!

I can't believe in 1 short week I will be running my first 5K!  When I first thought about running a few months back, I called my sister.  I told her the new prosthetist I had been going to wanted to give me a running leg to try out.  She was honestly the first one to remind me about the crazy dreams I'm always having about running.  She was also the first one to tell me that she believed I could do it (shortly followed by my mom).  I told her I really wanted to do a 5K someday, even if I could only do part of it.  She replied by simply saying, "No Meg.  You WILL do a 5K and you WILL finish it."  She was so excited for me to get in shape and accomplish this.  When I had this conversation, I imagined myself a year or two from that point signing up for one.  I had no idea that i would be training almost everyday getting ready for one after only a little over a month training :)

I know that I'm still not in the best of shape for this.  I still "run/walk" as I like to call it, where I alternate between running and walking it out.  I have yet to run a full 5K but this being my first one, my goal is to run as much as I can, and cross the finish line running.  Even if I am walking the last mile up until 50 feet before I cross I want to cross the finish like a champ :) haha. 

Things have been a little nutty training this week.  I thought things felt busy when i was juggling work and internship... but this week I threw in school as well.  My first day back looked a little like this:

 5:00am              Wake up!
6:00am               My ride arrives
7:30-11:30am     Internship
                          (Eat lunch in the car)
12:30-3:30         Class
3:30-7:30           Work
7:30 n                1.5 mile run :)
                          Shower, eat, make/pack lunch, iron clothes...
10pm                 Sleep

Somehow though, I felt so strong and energetic during my run... I had a lot of anxiety that day, an I think I was finally able to channel it all at the end of the day.  I'm hoping to keep the motivation up and get through this crazy long week of practicum, school, work, homework and training... and kick some serious ass on Sunday :) 

Taking Eminem's "Til I Collapse" a little too seriously...

So... The other night I was just beginning my run when my blade caught on the sidewalk.  Normally, when this happens I recover with a small hop on my good foot, and resume my pace.  This time I think I was running to fast, and I lost my balance and slammed to the ground on my good knee.  Note to Dave: Yes actually, it is possible to fall with a prosthetic that does not have a knee.  I fell right in front of a seminary, and in front of an older couple walking by.  Neither one even acknowledged me or asked if I was ok.  (Mind you I'm bleeding on the ground.  It totally made me think of "The Good Samaritan" parable.  Not saying these people are going to hell or anything... but I dunno... sounds like bad karma might be comin their way. Ha. Maybe they'll think twice the next time they step over a bleeding, one-legged girl. :P)  And to be clear: I love Grey' Anatomy.  I really do.  I can watch surgery on television and eat dinner at the same time.  But something about blood in person... ugh.  So NOT my thing.  Anyways...I got up, put Eminem's "Til I Collapse" on, and kept going.  Not gonna lie, it felt kinda hard-core to run down the streets on Chicago sweating, breathing hard and bleeding :) 

I have really tried to put the fall behind me.  But I noticed that I'm holding back quite a bit when i run now.  I'm afraid to look up, and instead am looking at the placement of my blade with every stride (which... for those who run know... kills motivation...).  It's so much easier when you are focusing on a point in front of you, and running with the intent on making it there.  I'm working on the intrapersonal /psychological aspect of running  (surprise surprise huh? more processing... go figure).  I started thinking about this a few weeks ago when Dave told me that I was being way too critical of myself.  I've always been very hard on myself, and need to learn to be present in the moment, be happy with where I am and celebrate the small achievements.    My goals with running have changed a bit. I'm focusing less on running as hard and fast as I can, and more on taking my time, walking when I need to, and putting in more distance.  

I FINALLY hot my 2 mile mark tonight, which was a huge accomplishment for me.  I walked a bit of it, but I was ok with that.  I'm getting there. Two weeks til the 5K... and feeling much better about it. :)

First fall battle wound. Ok. It looks tiny.  But please throw yourself at full speed on your knees on concrete and tell me how you feel.

Yup. Rocking Hello Kitty. 

First 2 miler! 

Screenshot...  Ok... So it took me a while. But I did it. (Insert "Meaghan Squeal")