Trying to keep my spirits up... as well as my knee

I never really put much thought into the shoes I was wearing while running, that is until my knee started aching the other day.  I had been wearing those Sketchers "Shape-Ups" as they were the only somewhat athletic shoes I had, and I really didn't have the money to go out and buy something different.  The shoes put you in a constant hyperextended stance, causing you to over-extend the knee while it forces you to engage your thigh and butt muscles.  When I knee they were hurting me I stopped wearing them, but decided since I was going to have to kill a pair of kicks in the Mud Run, I might as well trash the Shape-Ups... Um... yeah. Bad idea.  

My knee has felt pretty awful the last week and I've been unable to walk for more than a few blocks let alone run.  I have been working, coming home and immediately taking off my leg.  I always wanted to become a doctor as a kid, and have known the RICE method since kindergarten.  Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation.  It's been my motto the last few days.  Since the Mud Run it's been a whole lot worse, and although I don't at all regret doing it, I know that this pain is a consequence of pushing yourself when I knew I was injured.  

I've been spending a lot more time legless this past week, which is pretty much the opposite of my normal routine.  Hopping around is completely out of the question right now; I can barely make it down a fight of stairs let alone put that kind of high impact on my knee.  Anyone who has used crutches for even a short period of time knows that they are basically useless for everything except walking in a straight line.  It's impossible to carry things, hold your balance, and move forward all at once.  Needless to say I've been spending a lot of time on the floor, scooting my body with one arm and one leg, while carrying things from one side of the room to another.  Making dinner, putting dishes in the sink, packing a lunch and my backpack for tomorrow... all from ground zero here.  

I have never felt super comfortable being without my leg, and never go out that way unless absolutely necessary.  It's forced me to stay inside quite a bit, which has been exhausting for me.  I look out my window at the beautiful weather and wish I was running the sidewalk.  I feel like I had been going 100 miles per hour and come to a screeching stop.  However, after much thought and processing (still a future psychologist after all...)  I have realized that I'm still a young, fit, 23 year old who has a lot of years to run my little heart out.  That is, if I listen to my body when I'm hurt, and take care of myself until I have healed.  I decided to volunteer for the Terrapin 5K this Thursday, so I can be a part of it, and meet the "Scheck and Siress" amputee running group without stressing my knee out too much.  I could use the encouragement, and I'm sure a few tips on preventing further injury :P I am all signed up for the Ossur Running Clinic in 2 weeks as well, so the plan is to rest and heal so I can kick some serious amputee ass.  

Mud Wars 5K 2012...

So... Most people who know me well know that I am a bit of a neat freak... and I HATE getting dirty.  As a kid I hated finger painting at school and even remember feeling sick to my stomach before having to have my face plastered in art class.  I have this crazy amazing friend who is much more of a hardcore person than I, and much less girly :) who decided we were doing Mud Wars this year.  For those of you who do not know... Mud Wars is similar to many of the other mud races which take place: You run, encounter military type obstacles, many of which involve mud, as well as the mud pits...

Because of the very messy nature of this event, I really couldn't wear my electronic knee (imagine doing this event with your laptop computer or iPhone strapped to your leg...) and since the running leg is just a loaner, decided that was also not an option.  I ended up using my total knee, which is a pretty basic setup.  The knee has a hydraulic cylinder in it, which helps control the speed of my stride, but for the most part works similar to a door hinge.  Even though I would have loved to run the entire time, we decided walking was best.  It actually worked out just fine since we had to stop every few hundred feet to complete a crazy obstacle and our pace was perfect :)

The first obstacle was a haystack pyramid, and looked pretty simple: just climb over the top.  Um... definitely had no clue how deep it was, or that we would sink three feet down every step we took.  It was funny... On the website the order of the obstacles seemed to ease you in: beginning with silly obstacles, and increasing intensity as well as the amount of mud.  Needless to say, when we approached the second obstacle and I realized it was the mud pit, I had to fight the urge to run the opposite direction.  I was a little hesitant getting in, (I'm the same way when I swim; one inch at a time...), however, Melissa decided it was a better idea to grab my arm and yank me.  I face-planted in the mud, right as another participant flipped in and splashed me right in the face.  I was COVERED! I screamed, whined, and kept moving.  Right before getting out of the pit, Melissa, who was trying to give me a hand, lost her balance and landed on top of me forcing me again to soak in the mud.  We got out and headed to the next challenge: a set of balance beams which inclined and declined.  We held onto one another and teetered across.  The next obstacle was set of hurdles.  I'm a pretty small girl (5'1 3/4 to be exact) and decided after several tried to go over them that under was a much better idea.  We approached a few sets of military style tires which were by far the easiest part up until that point.  The next one was rough.  A 15-20 ft ladder looking wall which you were supposed to climb up and over.  I knew my issue was going to be the very top, being able to hold balance and throw my body to the otehr side.  Melissa was awesome, staying right with me (as planned :P) and being my rock and arm to grab onto when I felt unbalanced.  I began climbing and started hearing people telling me how awesome it was that I was doing this.  I got to the top, threw one leg over, and froze.  I was terrified to move.  The crowd began to cheer me on, and I grabbed Melissa's arm and threw my body over.  As I climbed down eveyrone started cheering.  I felt amazing.  I ended up skipping an obstacle: an set of inclining monkey bars, after watching several people fall face-first and on top of other people.  We climbed over a wooden structure that reminded me of a "jack": kind of a five point star like obstacle.  At the very end I jumped on Melissa's back, and she ran with me for about 50 feet before we encountered our final obstacle.  Yup. Another mud pit.  We were much more graceful entering this one, and I must say that I exhibited much more control over my movement than the first.  We crossed the finish line and jumped into Lake Michigan exhausted, muddy, and feeling completely accomplished :)

So... I may not have run this race, but I completed it.  I definitely do not enjoy mud, or getting dirty but it felt good to face my fears.  And I'm soooooo picking the most girly girl event held in the Chicago area and forcing Melissa to participate after the crazy day she put me through :)

Pre race... making a leg adjustment at the bus stop.. haha... no big.

um... really? You are taking a picture of me?

Before picture. clean... happy...

My Totalknee... :) note the tape job over the release button (tryign to keep the leg on during race... you know...)

trying to look tough

a few of the obstacles... haystack and tires and waaay in the background the ladder/wall 

after. 

muddy... but tough :)

ewwww....

so muddy... but so worth it 

Love at first stride...

I've never been a runner.  As a kid, I hated running.  I remember the dreaded day in gym where we would file outside and line up for the mile run.  It was only four laps around the school, but it felt as though we were running a marathon.  I remember running the first half of a lap, and slowing to a walk.  I remember the kid who threw himself on the gravel pavement so he would be sent to the nurse and didn't have to finish.  In fifth grade, I remember being the third to last kid in my class to finish, taking the final steps across the line and hearing my time of 15 minutes being shouted out for all the students, who had been done long before me to hear.  I had hurt my ankle in gymnastics a few weeks earlier, and I had been limping for weeks.  My ankle was x-rayed over and over again, and nothing seemed to be wrong.  It was a few months later when we noticed a lump near my knee and I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer in my right tibia.  I underwent a year of chemotherapy and several major surgeries which attempted to salvage my leg, before I relapsed.  The cancer had spread to my lungs and I had another year of chemotherapy in front of me.  The second year of chemo was the last straw for the leg which already had been trying to heal in the midst of the harsh chemotherapy.  My father was in tears when he  pulled out the final x-ray of my lower leg.  My bone was nearly gone and would never heal.  My only choice was amputation.  Two days later my hospital room was filled with nearly twenty close family members and friends praying over me before I went in.

Eleven years later I stand strong today on two legs.  One which god has created for me, and the other a prosthetist named Chris.  The day I took home my first leg was the day I started living again.  I joined Tae Kwon Do and became a brown belt, before deciding I wanted to try out for the colorguard in High School.  I rode the Courage Classic, am 162 mile bike event over three mountain passes in the mountains of Colorado in order to raise money for the Children's Hospital in Denver.  I went to the University of Colorado at Boulder, and double majored in Psychology and Speech Language Hearing Sciences.  I graduated, took a year off to work, and got into a doctoral graduate program in Chicago, IL.  I left everything behind and took a huge leap of faith in the direction I knew would lead me closer to my dream of becoming a psychologist.  I recently finished my first year in my graduate program and know for a fact that I am exactly where I need to be.  The individuals in my program are my family here.  It's tough and stressful, but I love it.

I've always been a petite person, and although I have participated in althletic activities growing up, I've never really been the "sporty" type.  As a psych student, I'm constantly analyzing my own life, inluding my dreams.  I dream a lot about the things I desire but fear in life.  I am a very non-confrontational person, but find myself dreaming of yelling at someone angering me quite a bit.  One of my most frequent dreams is the one where I feel the wind rushing by my ears.  I look down and my legs are moving fast and I'm leaping from one step to another.  I'm running.

I recently saw a prosthetist out here in Chicago, and he almost immediately started asking my if I would ever want to try running.  I was hesitant at first, but I took a running foot home to try.  I started in the hallway of my building, cautiously placing one foot in front of the other first, and gradually lengthening my strides and increasing speed.  This was last week... and now... I'm completely addicted... :)

first run down the hallway

Photos of the "Ossur" running foot